"Sometimes when you're in the middle of it, it's difficult to see the path ahead. I was born into slavery and when I was freed, all I was looking for was someone to tell me what to do. Someone to make my life make sense because chains was all I'd ever known- I didn't know what or who I was without being given an order to follow."
Altair had been so willing to do everything Zash asked of him. He was old enough now to realize that had Zash been open with him- if she'd told him to die so that she could live- he probably would have. It would have been an order from the first person to ever treat him so well and he would have died for her if she'd told him to because it was all he knew. Only her betrayal had forced him onto another path.
"The day I was truly free, I was more frightened than I'd ever been before because my decisions were mine alone and I was the one who'd have to live with the consequences of my actions."
He'd been angry and confused too, until he'd found his course and a purpose to keep moving. He'd made mistakes, but he'd been free to make them and the consequences had been something he'd learned to live with. And he appreciated that now, even if he hadn't at the time.
"Fear of the unknown easily turns to anger. Some overcome that in time like I overcame the fear of freedom, while others will probably always resent having what seems like the easier path away from them because it's all they've ever been told and all they've ever known. Doesn't mean you were wrong, though."
Altair didn't think so, anyway.
"When it seems like the world is telling you with one voice that there's something wrong with your existence and that you should be happy you're even given scraps, it's easy to start believing it. Even if you come to realize how wrong it is, it... Stays with you. Becomes complicated and painful emotions that many would prefer to not think about."
It was something Altair himself was still struggling with, an experience he was still going through. But explaining knowing that feeling would take telling truths he wasn't ready to share yet.
"The change necessary for mages to be free would never come from a place of comfort, and the fight for mages to remain free will likely be long and difficult. I'm sure there are those who would argue that you could have found another way, but... I certainly won't. I haven't known you that long, but the man I've come to know is a kindhearted healer. I think that you've saved a lot more lives than you've taken, and that you'll save a lot more too."
He tilted his head, and again there was the hint that he was smiling beneath his hood from the way his voice sounded, "I'm also pretty sure I've killed a lot more people than you ever could for way less justification, too. How many Templars have I simply cut down rather than attempting to talk my way into non-violence, do you think?"
A soft hum then, that sounded almost amused, "Will that make you pull away from me? For killing others in self-defense?"
no subject
Altair had been so willing to do everything Zash asked of him. He was old enough now to realize that had Zash been open with him- if she'd told him to die so that she could live- he probably would have. It would have been an order from the first person to ever treat him so well and he would have died for her if she'd told him to because it was all he knew. Only her betrayal had forced him onto another path.
"The day I was truly free, I was more frightened than I'd ever been before because my decisions were mine alone and I was the one who'd have to live with the consequences of my actions."
He'd been angry and confused too, until he'd found his course and a purpose to keep moving. He'd made mistakes, but he'd been free to make them and the consequences had been something he'd learned to live with. And he appreciated that now, even if he hadn't at the time.
"Fear of the unknown easily turns to anger. Some overcome that in time like I overcame the fear of freedom, while others will probably always resent having what seems like the easier path away from them because it's all they've ever been told and all they've ever known. Doesn't mean you were wrong, though."
Altair didn't think so, anyway.
"When it seems like the world is telling you with one voice that there's something wrong with your existence and that you should be happy you're even given scraps, it's easy to start believing it. Even if you come to realize how wrong it is, it... Stays with you. Becomes complicated and painful emotions that many would prefer to not think about."
It was something Altair himself was still struggling with, an experience he was still going through. But explaining knowing that feeling would take telling truths he wasn't ready to share yet.
"The change necessary for mages to be free would never come from a place of comfort, and the fight for mages to remain free will likely be long and difficult. I'm sure there are those who would argue that you could have found another way, but... I certainly won't. I haven't known you that long, but the man I've come to know is a kindhearted healer. I think that you've saved a lot more lives than you've taken, and that you'll save a lot more too."
He tilted his head, and again there was the hint that he was smiling beneath his hood from the way his voice sounded, "I'm also pretty sure I've killed a lot more people than you ever could for way less justification, too. How many Templars have I simply cut down rather than attempting to talk my way into non-violence, do you think?"
A soft hum then, that sounded almost amused, "Will that make you pull away from me? For killing others in self-defense?"